I am living a quarantine dream. The news that makes its way to me is filled with terrifying statistics that tell of a world on fire. The plague is here. The locusts are swarming. The kingdom trembles. How is it that I am filled with joy? I know I am one of the lucky ones. I will never forget that. In fact, previous events involving ridiculous subscriptions from Amazon have resulted in a surplus of toilet paper, paper towels, disinfecting wipes, and baby wipes. The food I enjoy is still readily available. I am self-employed and my customer base is growing as more people rush to establish a web presence and need help with development and design. I am an artist too. Because of that, extra free time is my friend and now more than ever, sharing what I create gives meaning and sustenance to the people in my community.
In December I got sick. It started with a dry cough and by the first week of January I had fevers unlike anything I have ever experienced. The cough was consistent and endless and left me gasping for air. Between the fevers and cough, it was nearly impossible to sleep. It was very difficult to eat and anytime I attempted to fill my stomach, I vomited. The fevers and lack of nourishment made my calves cramp and at night my restless legs wanted to run away from my body.
It was not the sickest I’ve been. The sickest I have ever been was five years ago when I got the flu, during which I got to a point when I thought I might die. The doctor’s advice was to stay in bed for two weeks and come back if things did not improve. So, when I got sick in January, that is what I did. Why would I want to go into public and spend hundreds of dollars in medical bills just to be told to stay in bed?
In January, I did not think or feel that I might die. I felt unwell and I took that as a sign that my body was under stress and needed time to heal. Bodies don’t get sick unless they are in a state that allows for sickness. Viruses, bacteria, disease… these are visitors, messengers to the houses that invite them in. The sickness that visited me was my messenger. I was working too much, eating poorly, and had stopped providing necessary alone time for myself. So, my body, my house, welcomed a visitor that would provide for it when I had not.
Under blankets, in silence, with oranges and water, I rested. I relished the forgiveness and understanding that comes from loved ones and clients when sick. The absolute freedom from meeting the needs of others was blissful. I could barely walk myself to the bathroom so my partner took care of me in every way possible and it was heaven to surrender to his love and care. When sickness came, I was nourished.
My partner, Warren, never got sick. The people I know that had degrees of contact with me and Warren also did not get sick. My mother is the only other person I am close to who got sick, and she was sick before me. None of us knew what we were sick with. In truth, we still don’t.
There is a danger in knowing what something is. When we know, then it is so, and we can suffer that knowledge. Cognitively, however, knowing what is to come, helps us process and deal with painful experiences. The mind’s relationship with pain is a great paradox in which the anticipation of pain reduces the moment of suffering. However, the fixation on a painful outcome inspires suffering before its time.
Everyone’s life, from day one, involves a certain amount and kind of suffering. Over time, our relationship with suffering develops into mental and behavioral patterns that help us to deal with pain.
No matter the environment we find ourselves in, it is important to act responsibly. In times of great distress, often what is lost is our illusions. Whether it is a lie we have told ourselves to keep us feeling safe or a lie we have inherited from our tribe, stress reveals our follies. When we spend our energy trying to control the things we cannot, often, the things we can control go untended. By fixating on our illusions, we neglect our true responsibilities.
When we think that we can meet our needs by meeting the needs of others, we enter into an agreement that places the satisfaction of our own needs in someone else’s hands. We think we are ensuring our safety by making ourselves useful to others. But when the value of our contribution is determined by the other, we lose connection with our own self-worth. The best choice for us becomes one that will make others happy. So, when our needs conflict with the desires of others, we will often neglect our own. We can neglect ourselves to such a point that we get sick and are forced to repair our deficits.
Sickness comes to the house in which it can reside. Sickness comes as a messenger to correct the patterns of neglect. Today’s great headline is that this whole planet is sick from neglect. We need rest, our children need rest, our earth needs rest. It is very hard for us to make healthy choices, change unhealthy patterns, and create balance inside ourselves when we neglect our needs.
If we choose to remain in the illusion that our safety and security comes from the collective, then it will be the collective that makes the individual. In which case, the individual will be neglected and sicknesses will emerge. Eventually, the collective becomes diseased.
Our fuel-based culture has run us ragged and now we are being forced to recharge. It is my hope that as we recharge, we will realize our own power. When the individual chooses to love and support itself, to meet its own needs, then that individual can give freely of itself because it needs nothing in return. When the individual is free to give of itself, the collective is freed in turn.
It is very important during this time to become aware of our inherent value. An entire planet of individuals has collectively chosen to stop, disengage, and heal and that has revealed to us our epic power. Hold fast to this truth as we navigate these dark times and examine just how much power our choices and actions have on the collective.
The thorn in our foot is the capitalistic structure under which the collective operates. This structure takes away the intrinsic value of the individual and commodifies our creative output. So, when little Johnny is told that musicians never make any money, and that lawyers are very wealthy and successful, the value of the individual is defined by their income instead of their contribution.
What exactly do we think the dollar gets us? When we don’t make as much money as our neighbor, or if we are swimming in debt, what does that say about ourselves? How are we defining our value as individuals and on what basis is that value assessed? We are not subject to the dollar. The dollar is subject to us. We create and destroy the dollar but what the dollar represents cannot be created or destroyed.
Under our current paradigm, it is the responsibility of the individual to transcend the dollar. Three years ago, I had the privilege of facing and transcending my own relationship with the dollar, with my self-worth. I had lost my job as a graphic designer. I had only a few small clients left and my success as an artist had not established itself the way I had envisioned. At that time, I valued myself based on how much and whether or not I was paid for my creativity. Every time I had a good idea or created something special, the next step was to try and conceptualize or strategize a way to sell it. In essence, the actions I took after creative inspiration became trapped in a system of monetization.
Eventually, my endless attempts at “succeeding” led me to extreme disappointment in myself which made me question my very essence as a human being. I had taken on debt to educate myself and learn a trade. I had dedicated myself to working hard and doing a good job. Still, I had debt collectors calling me, my credit cards were maxed out, and I was relying on my family to help support my needs for shelter and food. I felt like a failure. I was so ashamed that I could not survive on my own as the person I am – an artist. I wanted so badly to prove that it is possible to thrive as an artist but my reality told me I was wrong and it made me sick to swallow that truth.
The truth is, I was wrong. In a system that operates on the dollar, the value of the individual is lost. However, when the dollar is taken from the individual, there is the opportunity to realize our intrinsic value. In my moment of despair, I envisioned a life in which I was unable to earn any kind of income. A life where I was unable to support myself and the people I love. Under those circumstances, who would I be? What would I do? How could I still be of benefit to others?
The answer that came to me is – I’d be me. I’d be an artist. I’d do my best to refine my habits of consumption, minimize my waste, and train my thoughts, words, and actions to create positive outcomes for all. If I could not make the money for a good life – I could still make a good life.
My creativity, my awareness, my thoughts, my actions, this is my contribution to the collective. My value rests and grows within the cultivation of myself. Even if there is no money for what I do, I can still do. The peach tree cannot be paid to bear fruit. It creates delicious fruit because it is a peach tree. The community it belongs to benefits from what it naturally bears. When it no longer makes fruit, the community still benefits from its shade and its beauty and eventually, its fertilizer.
My friends, there is so much power in being alive. Now more than ever, we as individuals are being called to find our value within a system that devalues its parts. In a small number of days, our collective intention to stop and heal has shown the entire world the power of the individual. To choose health, life, and our neighbor’s wellbeing over the endless machine that poisons our water and air, burns our trees, takes our homes, kills our neighbors… all in the name of “progress”… this is our power. It is not the system that gives us life but we who give life to the system. Progress will not happen in a state where the individual is devalued. A golden age will never be gilt with war and disease.
It seems likely that in the coming days there will be many important changes and choices required of each individual. There will be many ideas about the agendas behind these events and our response to them will be a defining moment for all of us. I am not sure if it is possible to believe any source besides our own hearts. I call all of us to be vigilant with ourselves and our actions. We must ask ourselves deeply what actions we will take to uplift every individual, no matter their circumstance or position. Anything less is old paradigm.
I admit that a part of me salivates at the thought of seeing the system crumble. I am thirsty for redemption. A culture of integrity that operates on certainty, faith, and love is what I live for. It is possible. There are many of us who have awakened to this reality and of those there are many who see what is happening now as the catalyst for that change.
My eagerness wakes me up in the morning wondering if the world has changed. Is today the day that things will be different? Is today the day when people will finally see what I see? But what does it actually mean for a system to crumble? The seeds of the new lie within the fruit of the old and it is the process of decay that prepares the seed for growth. If we demonize the rotting fruit that feeds the seed of change, we will suffer the cycle. Decay is a requirement of the fruiting body and a process that can’t be rushed. The rotten parts of our collective need time to decay.
However, the changes that happen within us are what will inspire the changes in the collective, and those can and do happen in an instant. As we individually begin to embrace, nourish and express our true selves, we will assist in the healthy transitioning of the rest of our community. It is the spark within that illuminates and defines the world we wake up to and in that way, we can all create change overnight.
Chaos and order are two faces on the coin of life. A paradigm is an operation of order. A paradigm establishes a structure upon which growth and expansion can take place. Eventually, the growth generated by the paradigm will become greater than the powers of its operation and chaos will again manifest. As chaos begins to overtake the operation that created it, its magnitude, its inflation, initiates the process of decay.
The breaking point of a structure or operation is a natural point in life’s cycle. As the system collapses under its own weight, a new order of things is established. One that is lighter, finer, and more evolved than the previous form. A paradigm that has learned from the fruit of its origin and emerged as its legacy, carrying life forward in harmony with its new environment.
In the midst of chaos, every element of the whole will shift to allow for expansion and reorganization. Some parts will decay. The parts remaining, will be enlightened by the disintegration. These are the seeds of a new paradigm. Each seed has the potential to be the piece that determines the shape of the new. The survivors are the seeds. You, and you, and you, and you and you, and I are all seeds. We are the codes that will program the new paradigm.
I see this happening all around me. The news might be focusing on the destruction and awfulness of now, but what I see is something altogether different. I see men, women and children sacrificing their livelihood, luxuries, and in some cases their lives to protect those very things for their neighbors - near and far, known and unknown. The entire globe is thinking and acting globally, in unison, to protect and uplift life.
The institutions that interfere with this evolution will ultimately decay. I see that happening too. Schools have cancelled standardized testing, systems designed to gouge people and keep them in debt are losing control, politics has become a joke, and our outlets for reliable information are a hall of smoke and mirrors.
And still we carry on. It is the nature of life to keep on living and to make the most of what is. The doctor does not stop healing when the insurance company goes belly up. The lawyer does not stop practicing when the kangaroos are at court. The farmer does not stop harvesting when the grocery closes shop. The artist does not stop creating when the money dries up.
Our currency is not in paper, gold, or silver. Our currency is in energy, time, and intention. It is an equal and integral wealth that is evenly dispersed amongst all living things. As long as we are alive, we are wealthy. In a community of individuals, each one of us is an essential and beneficial contributor to the whole: The strong man carries the weak. The cripple humbles the strong. The musician uplifts. The storyteller informs. The teacher educates. The builder shelters. The cook feeds. The child renews. The elder reflects. Life does not stop because money stops. Rather, it remains as it is: essential, creative… beneficial.
This is the law of life. The crumbling eroded structures of dead paradigms lay all around us, the remains of eons of human life. We are still uncovering these structures. They go deep into the earth and hide under icecaps and on ocean floors.
At some point in the future, so too will our remains be hidden. What will remain? What will our great, great, great… grandchildren think of us and who will they be because of us? In a digital society where fine crafts like handwriting and stone carving are becoming a thing of the past, will we be seen as illiterate and artistically impoverished? Will it be true?
At this moment and in the coming days, the way we spend our time and energy, the way we focus our awareness and intention, the way we invest our wealth, will be a defining factor in our growth and development. Now is the time to redefine what we value and tap into the currency of life. Even in a broken system it is possible to live on this coin for it is what makes gold, gold.
I am reminded of hexagram 48 from the I Ching:
THE WELL
The town may be changed
But the well cannot be changed.
It neither decreases nor increases.
They come and go and draw from the well.
If one gets down almost to the water
And the rope does not go all the way,
Or the jug breaks, it brings misfortune.
The Image: Water over wood: the image of THE WELL.
Thus, the superior man encourages the people at their work,
and exhorts them to help one another.