“I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”
"Disguise/Discern" 2008 colored pencil on black paper
As I sit here in my sunroom on a cold November morning, I am overcome by the magnificent complexity of the plants that surround me. Just a year ago I had only a few small succulents and some struggling basil. I felt like I was just not gifted with a green thumb and I was afraid to try to grow anything else because the idea of killing a living thing made me feel like I was selfish for even trying. This summer I expressed this feeling to my mom, who is an incredible organic farmer. She explained that a plant dying is part of learning how to become a better gardener and encouraged me to embrace the reality that failure is part of improving.
By the end of the summer, my mom had successfully helped turn my barren sun room into a thriving jungle. She started me off with some geraniums, a hearty plant. They would put up with a little inattention, but wouldn’t survive the kind of neglect that succulents are so fond of… and that I was so good at. It was the perfect starter plant, I learned how to watch them, learn their language, and understand how to care for them. I didn’t kill a single one.
This summer was a practice of patience and care. I had a lot of free time this summer: a scary reality when you’re self-employed. However, I had time to care for my plants, read, reflect, and be alone. In doing that, I challenged myself to learn to be peaceful within myself and bring peace into my world even when my world seemed like it is falling apart because work was uncertain and sparse. I taught myself to remain calm and focused in the face of some serious fear of failure. It was mind over matter.
Slowly, I began to learn the power of my consciousness over my experience. I realized that love, openness, and trust are the foundation upon which one builds a strong relationship with themselves and their world. By reconnecting with myself in this way, I also felt more deeply connected to Mother Nature and my own sense of purpose. I felt myself evolving in my own self-knowing. By remembering who I have been, I have been reminded of the power I have over who I can become.
I find myself full circle as I look back on my thesis collection: ten years older and yet closer to the girl I remember than the person I was a year ago. Back then I was enamoured with Mother Earth and her endlessly exquisite metaphors and forms. In 2008, when I was working on my BFA thesis, I was exploring this theme through still life drawings, and watercolor collages. I was looking for an ephemeral technique that captured the ecstasy in the flash meeting between the self and the Mother.
Today, I am still in love with her. She enchants me in my sun room, keeps me company in my studio, and is there every time I step. I have presented here, my BFA thesis, Gestalt. Take a look at how the theme of my relationship to mother earth began and then check out my current body of work to see how this same theme is expressed today. Leave me a note, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
xo
P.S. If you'd like to learn more about my mom's farm, you can check out her website here.
